Does this sound familiar?

About a month ago, a dear friend passed a professional exam that was so important to her and which was considered difficult to pass all over the world. I remember how she prepared for the exam, she worked really hard, so when the results came out and she aced it, she was definitely very happy. Alas! That happiness was shortlived, when we met in the evening to celebrate her win, she didn’t look so happy, she just acted normal. I was surprised. This exam was not in a field I was particularly familiar with  but seeing what she put into it and how other people who passed it were being celebrated on LinkedIn , I knew it must be quite a challenge.  So I asked why she was not as excited as she sounded in the morning. She was honest, she told me lots of people passed it too, so it kind of became not so special to have passed, I mean, even so and so passed. In essence she felt since lots of people passed it, her own success somehow lost its allure. That in essence made celebrations unnecessary.

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My little nephew wanted a train for his  5th  birthday, he had seen one at one of the shops and daily asked his mum when he would get his own. I suspect his toddler dreams were made up of shiny red fire trucks with gleaming tyres and metal doors. He constantly spoke about it. Then on his birthday, when his mum unveiled his gift, behold it was the exact fire truck he’s always wanted. He shouted with glee, hugged his mum, muttered a quick thank you and was off to go play with his new toy. The next day at the creche, Demilade came with a blue firetruck that was way bigger than what my nephew got , it also had red tyres and gave off this hooting sound as he played with it. All the kids were fascinated and took turns to run after it. My nephew returned home and would not touch his red truck. “What’s the matter Itunu”? His mum asked, with tears in his eyes the 5 year old said he wanted the bigger blue truck Demilade has.

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Mary had prayed for a spouse ever since she turned 12 when she heard her mum mention that marriage could make or mar a woman. She prayed fervently for a man who loved God, who would sweep her off her feet, be responsible and have a good dress sense. Now as she looked at her 32nd birthday, she could not help but wonder if God had forgotten her.  She sure grew desperate, she had attended several prayer meetings with themes like” Give me a husband or I die” “Mummy, where is my wedding gown?” She even bought a wedding gown and danced around it every day for 6 months and still no show. The worst part was the taunts from her married friends.  When I suggested she must have misunderstood their gestures, she got angry. How could Angela ask her to be her chief bridesmaid when she was 4 years older than her. How cruel could she be to suggest that.

After a while, Mary relocated to Lagos, she had secured a job with a multinational (she thought it funny that her career appeared to be progressing while her marital prospects dwindled) She started attending a new church close to her work place. It was there she rededicated her life to God and found peace from all her struggles. 6 months later, she met Debola. He appeared to be everything she had prayed for and what’s more, she had peace about him. Now wedding preparation was in top gear but sometimes Mary lies awake at night wondering if this is it. Debola is a nice guy and all but that his H- factor often worries her, plus he doesn’t have so much money, Mary may have to foot up to 40% of their wedding bills. She vividly remembers how Angela’s hubby flew everybody to Dubai for their destination wedding.

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What dulls the shine of our achievements?

What makes us hold our gifts like flimsy distractions and pine for what we see outside?

Someone else’s bigger win or maybe even the fact that lots of people have similar wins. We want to be unique in our win we want it to reflect our prowess and unrivaled abilities. We want the spotlight to shine on just us. It may well be a natural human response but it’s an unhealthy one. When you are ungrateful because someone else has something bigger, you need to know that there will be no end to bigger and better. No matter how hard you try, someone, somewhere will always have more of something.

Have you realized, that sometimes what it takes to make you ignore what you have is just to see several other people having it? Once other people have the exact same thing we have, it begins to lose its allure and that’s when we realize our gratitude was never genuine. We are grateful as long as God has done it for only us, once he is doing it for every Tunde, Doris and Henry, it is no longer special, in fact, we may be tempted to think its not even God doing it, we got it through our efforts, so next time we increase our efforts.

If you frequently find yourself in this trap, you may feel bad for harbouring these thoughts and either ignore it or excuse it (“Oh I’m just a perfectionist”, lots of “perfectionists” and “high-flyers” will be able to relate). If you ask me though, I think what needs work is the state of our minds. Pride presents in subtle ways and this is one of them.

Then, there’s the problem of focus which we may still need to talk about. Lots of time, we are not focusing on our focus and that my dearest is a huge problem.

Dear God, from the depths of my heart, thank you for everything,No buts. No matter how small or how large my wins are, I acknowledge that you gave me everything and for that, it is spectacular.