Lighting Others While Burning Out

I was the strong girl. Disciplined and devoted to service. It seemed almost every of my friends in church looked up to me. I always had a word of encouragement, a word of counsel or wisdom—as it were, whenever I had a conversation with them. So they felt free to ask for my advice on issues bothering them and the right words were always on my lips. 

I always showed up in time for unit meetings, stood in the gap when our unit head wasn’t around, shouldered responsibilities and could easily be relied upon to show up whenever help was needed. 

But along the line…my shoulders began to droop. It seemed I was carrying burdens of responsibilities that wearied me out. It seemed as if everyone I happened to be around, perpetually  needed me for one thing or the other. Here I was, serving in my Pastors house—my Pastor and his wife were amazing people. They took me as their blood. And I loved serving them.

But you see, I began struggling to handle responsibilities at the house and in church. It seemed as if my life was a ‘tug of war' and I was in the middle—being pulled from both sides. I started getting spiritually and emotionally exhausted. It appeared that I was running on a dry engine. Oh I sort for the comfort of the Holy Spirit! But I couldn’t do as much as I wanted. I knew this season of my life called for a fast, but the last time I tried it, the threatening ulcer symptoms I began to develop, doubled. I couldn’t risk it. 

I could tell my spiritual energy was dwindling. I needed refueling so that service could once again be a delight. So I thought to run…I told a friend of mine I was tired and needed the company of my family back at Ogun State. I know I missed them, but the main reason I wanted to travel home so badly, was to get away from the noise around me, and to be relieved of some of my responsibilities, so I could at least rest a bit.

I thought when I relax at home, feed well, have a lot of ‘me time', probably binge on movies, I would be rejuvenated. Apparently I thought wrong. I traveled home quite alright and did all I thought would give me rest and satisfaction, but none of them were fulfilling. Rather I felt more spiritually heavy than ever. I was affected so bad that my prayer life took a nosedive and studying my Bible was war.

But guess what? I still had the younger ones in the faith, who were accountable to me. I made sure they had their prayers and monitored their spiritual progress. I was there for my little cousins who wanted a fresher spiritual encounter and helped them to the best of my ability. Oh how those words of counsel flowed! Then a little voice would say ‘if you could take your own counsel, you’d have been better by now'. 

Deep down, something within me was crying out. So I reached out to my Pastor back there in Ilorin, whose home I thought I ran from, and opened up my heart to him. Just then, it seemed as if a heavy burden was lifted. He was understanding and he took time to counsel me in love. 

It was after this ordeal that I came across a chapter in a book by Joyce Meyer: ‘Habits of a godly woman’. That chapter was talking about Christian women confiding in those believers they trusted, when they were on the rocks. The chapter had this verse in it:

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

James 5:16 NIV

It was then I truly understood this scripture. You know, we can’t always be strong all the time. It’s healthy to have that one, or those two or three persons whom we can pour out our souls to, when we are running dry. That verse up there emphasizes that it is necessary for our healing, especially when we strengthen each other in prayers. It’s therapeutic, I tell you. I could tell something had lifted when I offloaded the burdens of my heart to my Pastor.

I was able to pray again. I enjoyed fellowship with my father again. And I could even add a fast to it. My spiritual energy skyrocketed. I revived! And in one of these blissful times I spent with Him, he gave me His word: 

“Ps.124.7 Your soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and you are escaped. (KJV)

Oh how I rejoiced! I was free at last! I was rejuvenated! And guess what? I became thirsty for service again…

As if that wasn’t enough, we had a Holy Ghost meeting in church, back in Ilorin, titled ‘Rivers and Wells'. It came at the right time. Although I wasn’t present physically, I streamed online. God saw my hunger and met me in my room. It was a great outpouring. My life took a shift thereafter. Oh praise Yeshua!