How To Heal From Emotional Abuse ( Mary Nwachukwu )
HOW TO HEAL FROM EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Nwachukwu Mary Ifunanya
Emotional abuse is an act of using extreme emotions to compel the other person to a point of resignation, forced submissiveness, docility and weak self esteem, by continually criticising, shaming, subduing or manipulating them.
Emotional abuse is one of the most difficult types of abuse to recognise because it can be done in a very subtle manner, with the victim having no idea of being abused or made to take the blame for the strains in the relationship.
Nonetheless, there are certain pointers to this type of abuse which would be revealed as you read on.
SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE
The fact that emotional abuse often comes from a loved one or someone you once trusted, makes it quite difficult to easily identify it. However, the following are remarkable signs of emotional abuse which you should pay attention to:
1 Blackmailing Emotionally
-When they are constantly distant or disconnected emotionally.
-Continuously ignoring and avoiding you.
-Making you feel somewhat responsible for the sudden emotional distance.
-Attempting to always use your words and turn your values against you.
-Using your fears to hurt you.
-Always deflecting the topic to focus on your weaknesses.
2 Irrational Expectations And Demands
-Making it a right for you to meet their needs.
-Demanding for all of your time and energy and draining you in the process.
-Being offended when you don't share in their opinions.
-Tagging you insensitive and selfish for pursuing your own desires and needs.
-Expecting you to take responsibility for all their inadequacies.
3 Being Dismissive And Condescending
-Making you feel you have no right to feel in a certain way. For example, they say things like "you shouldn't feel that way"
-Disregarding your opinions by saying something like: "your opinions don't matter on this"
-Dictating to you how you should feel and react. "The best way you should feel and react to this is to…"
-Playing down on your intelligence or proposing that you are simply hallucinating. E.g "please…you are just seeing things"
4 Verbal Attacks
-Yelling at you consistently
-Using condescending words like "you're stupid…i thought you had some sense"
-Blaming you with statements like "you caused this…if it weren't for you"
-Using belittling jokes or suggestive statements that insinuate you are of low worth or value.
5 Using manipulative and controlling means
-Threatening or trying to intimidate you.
-Ordering you about or treating you like a child.
-Continuously trailing your every movement.
-Isolating you from healthy relationships with friends and family.
-Keeping your visitors from seeing you.
CONSEQUENCES OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE
1 The experience of cognitive distortions:
Cognitive distortions are psychological challenges that make abuse victims unable to distinguish between experiences that are normal and those that are not or between crucial and unimportant issues.
2 Trust Issues:
A typical emotionally abused victim will most likely have difficulty in trusting people. They tend to read different meanings into the intentions, actions and behaviours of others and prefer to keep a safe distance from them.
3 Emotional distortions
A person who has gone through emotional abuse is likely to possess an inability to contain strong emotions or perpetually overlook and accept contemptible behaviours from people which the average person would strongly kick against.
4 Repetitive abusive patterns
One who has suffered from emotional abuse risks the tendency of repeating and attracting similar abuse patterns with abusive spouses, manipulative bosses, contemptuous or disdainful business partners or colleagues, condescending friends etc
Studies have shown that abuse survivors are unconsciously endeared to people who possess the same abusive traits from their past relationships.
5 Post Traumatic Disorder (PTSD)
If you've once experienced emotional abuse, you are most likely to develop post-traumatic stress disorder, major depression, anxiety disorders or disorders that come with drug or substance abuse.
Some of the symptoms of PTSD come in the form of hopelessness, constant depression, flashbacks from hurtful memories, loneliness, inability to concentrate, mood swings, insomnia, withdrawing from social activities, worry, anxiety and tension, heightened heart beats, nightmares and other gruesome experiences.
HOW TO RECOVER FROM EMOTIONAL ABUSE
1 Accept and come to terms with your state :
Any healing process first begins with you acknowledging your wounded state. Many emotionally damaged victims fail to realise this, because somehow, they either feel a pang of shame at the acknowledgement or undermine the weight of the abuse by teaming it as 'not that bad.'
When you accept your experiences of emotional abuse, you set yourself up to let go of your hurt and proceed to take back control over your life.
2 Replace negative thought patterns with positive ones :
When thoughts of failure, inadequacies, self criticism, guilt, fear, or self-doubt come to mind, immediately replace them with thoughts of confidence, competence, self-worth, boldness, happiness, peace etc.
Many times, it takes you declaring out loud: "I am beautiful, valuable and competent" to shut out such thoughts from your mind.
3 Pamper yourself :
Make your wellbeing your utmost priority. Go after your passion, desires, hobbies, dreams and everything you once believed in. Treat yourself to a nice outing, feed well, get enough rest, exercise, engage in activities that make you laugh hard and just love up on yourself.
4 Embrace healthy relationships :
One who has had a fair share of emotional abuse will many times isolate themselves from any form of relationship, for the fear of getting hurt again.
However, there are healthy support systems that come from well-meaning friends and families and even faith groups who are committed to ensuring you get back on your feet again.
Talk to friends and family who are empathetic rather than judgemental, who's love and affection will speed up your healing process.
At this point, bond more with your spiritual communities and engage in more spiritual activities like you once did. Your spiritual needs are also a priority on the recovery list.
5 Keep boundaries :
Boundaries deter people from crossing the line with you. When you don't keep boundaries, some people are most likely to take advantage of your vulnerable state.
Although, you should also know the balance: don't keep the whole world at the other end of your barricaded wall. The right boundaries help you admit only well-meaning people and keep the rest out.
Your boundaries should cover your emotions, your values, your behaviour, your body, your mind, and every other thing precious to you.
6 Seek help :
If your abuser still poses a threat to you like stalling or threatening you through texts and calls, inform the police. Your safety is important.
Make sure your current home makes you feel secure and you aren't all alone.
Emotional healing can be demanding and tiring. See a therapist if you feel the need to. Talking to someone who understands and is a professional at handling such cases might be the best healing strategy for you anyway.
In all of these, understand that the journey to healing from emotional abuse is a gradual one. Take your time and patiently go through every part of it with the hope of attaining a better emotional, physical and mental state.
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